I know my posts tend to be a little rambling, but hey, that's what's going on in my head. Scary huh? Anyway, I can't drunk dial tonight because there is NO ONE to dial, so I will share my thoughts with you.....
The reason I say there is no one to dial is because, I can't dial the first love of my life, Alex. He's my ex-husband, I don't think his wife would appreciate it. I can't dial my boyfriend Dan because, in all honesty, (and you will get honesty thanks to 'Pepe Lopez premium Tequila') I really don't like my boyfriend. He's great because of all the monatary 'gifts' he provides. Har, har. All of those who are booing and hissing at me now, have a Cosmo, watch an episode of 'Sex in the City' and be happy. And I won't dial the second and last love of my life, we'll call him 'Ed', :) because he has moved to Arizona to have a child with a girl who he's, and I quote, "not physically attracted to, but I love her personality" end quote. Gag! Do you believe that shit??
The thing is, the last love of my life, aka 'Ed', whom I, to this second in time love with everything in me, has a website. For some reason I cannot stop myself from going to it about 20 times a day and doing this whole song and dance for myself. You know the drill, you get pissed, then sad, then mad and you run around the house ranting and raving at anything and everything. And the only thing you end up doing is scaring your cats. It's pathetic, I will admit, I'm being pathetic. I can't help it, girl you know. And ladies you also know. Why do we put ourselves at the mercy of these men? They are off doing their own thing, not giving us a second thought. And we're scaring the living shit out of our cats and thinking to ourselves 'deep down they really miss me, they're just busy'. Wake up sunshine!! They have completely moved on or are doing their own thing and will only call on us when they need us for something only we can do or are in town and horny.
You also know that drill, the one where he call's in the middle of the night, drunk, out of the blue, and either wants you to come pick him up, yes I'm guilty of that, or just wants you to come over so he can get some, I'm guily of that also. 'Ed' plus me equals fire, literally, no kidding, fabulous sex, for five years... And we love them so much and want to see them so much that we do it, even though deep down we know what's going on, but we wish to ignore it and live in our own little twisted world, where love always prevails. This isn't Snow White, love doesn't always prevail. Harsh reality, I know.
But you know what? I'm still going to get 'Ed' back, because in my own little twisted world, which trust me, is really twisted, he really DOES love me and will be back soon, personality only lasts so long, good sex lasts forever! Hee, hee.......
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
What "Behaving" Brings You
Well, I think I just talked to the most boring man on earth.
I met him on eHarmony-- yeah, ok, shut up-- and we've been talking back-and-forth through their email system for about a month, until last week, when he called me.
I wish he had lost my number.
I think if I didn't talk we would sit there and listen to each other breathe. I only wish I were kidding. I have to blather on and then after I get quiet, and he doesn't say anything-- for like 1 whole minute-- then I have to think up something to ask him so he can talk for about 2 minutes.
I wonder how long he would last in sex. I shudder to think.
My problem is that I am too nice to say you know what, you suck, this sucks, you can in no way measure up to what I need. I mean, really. Why on earth would he call me again when the last conversation was so painful? Then again, why did I answer???
Here's what I know about him (assuming he isn't lying): he has a good job, he owns his own land, he seems to be quite intelligent, he likes animals, he goes to church, he can sing-- this is important-- he likes to go to auctions, he has NEVER raced his car, he likes FERRIS WHEELS over roller coasters, would NEVER jump out of an airplane, and has an affinity for TRACTORS.
You know, when I write this all out I am positive I MUST BE OUT OF MY MIND IF I ANSWER THE TELEPHONE THE NEXT TIME HE CALLS. This is not someone who I can date, let alone anything else, when talking to him is less fun than a trip to the gynecologist. Speaking of, I have a VERY STRONG FEELING he is a huge VIRGIN.
Screw it, I need a real man-- like Mr. Phone Sex.
Do me a favor, if I talk to this guy on the phone again please beat me about the head. Remind me what it's like to have to have sex with a virgin. Ugh, I shutter at the thought of it, though I'm sure it would be over pretty fast.
Tell me again why I decided to behave...?
I met him on eHarmony-- yeah, ok, shut up-- and we've been talking back-and-forth through their email system for about a month, until last week, when he called me.
I wish he had lost my number.
I think if I didn't talk we would sit there and listen to each other breathe. I only wish I were kidding. I have to blather on and then after I get quiet, and he doesn't say anything-- for like 1 whole minute-- then I have to think up something to ask him so he can talk for about 2 minutes.
I wonder how long he would last in sex. I shudder to think.
My problem is that I am too nice to say you know what, you suck, this sucks, you can in no way measure up to what I need. I mean, really. Why on earth would he call me again when the last conversation was so painful? Then again, why did I answer???
Here's what I know about him (assuming he isn't lying): he has a good job, he owns his own land, he seems to be quite intelligent, he likes animals, he goes to church, he can sing-- this is important-- he likes to go to auctions, he has NEVER raced his car, he likes FERRIS WHEELS over roller coasters, would NEVER jump out of an airplane, and has an affinity for TRACTORS.
You know, when I write this all out I am positive I MUST BE OUT OF MY MIND IF I ANSWER THE TELEPHONE THE NEXT TIME HE CALLS. This is not someone who I can date, let alone anything else, when talking to him is less fun than a trip to the gynecologist. Speaking of, I have a VERY STRONG FEELING he is a huge VIRGIN.
Screw it, I need a real man-- like Mr. Phone Sex.
Do me a favor, if I talk to this guy on the phone again please beat me about the head. Remind me what it's like to have to have sex with a virgin. Ugh, I shutter at the thought of it, though I'm sure it would be over pretty fast.
Tell me again why I decided to behave...?
Monday, May 14, 2007
Phone Sex-- Yes, I Admit To It....
OK, if you haven't had phone sex, then you haven't experienced one of life's truly bizarre yet fairly erotic activities. Well, that is if you do it right. Just like real sex, fake sex can be a complete disappointment with the wrong partner or if you think too much.That's the main key to it, don't think, just talk. Use your imagination and start thinking about your fantasy. It doesn't have to even be about the person you are talking to. It actually might be better if it isn't-- just don't slip up and call out Brad Pitt's name, that gets a little messy. Anyway... just start telling him what you will do to him. Guys don't really need a set-up, but you might want to fix a place in your mind....
Actually, that reminds me, make sure you get comfortable! Never have phone sex (hereafter PS) in a position you wouldn't have real sex in. For example, I was having PS in my office chair and almost died when I fell over backward in it. This was not smart. It ruined the mood and I nearly had to go get stitches. Can you imagine the explanation to the ER doctor: "Well you see, doc, I was having phone sex and I got a little rowdy and tipped my chair over." Not my idea of a good time. Don't do it in a chair on wheels. Learn from my mistakes.
Anyway, when I am going to go this whole fantasy route I find the best place to actually have PS is in my bed. Duh, I know, but you wouldn't believe the places guys will have phone sex. Of course, who cares what they're doing as long as it is profitable for us, right? Anyway, I might have to run a scenario through my head about how I actually get him to the bedroom, but then from there I am set.
By the way-- I don't think I am behaving right now in telling you any of this. It is definitely not setting a good example for you. Of course, I had PS a couple of days ago so then... does it matter? Oh well.
OK, so anyway, the bed is where it's at. You can do your wild thing and then roll over and go to sleep. Men do it all the time, right? Well, in this special case we are totally uninhibited, right, so why not? They will never know we are as shallow as they are.
Anyway, so you get comfortable, and don't forget to make sure YOU have a good time. Men like to hear what you'll do to them, but you better make sure they take care of you, girl! That's how I fell over in that chair....
Anyway, DO NOT be shy in expressing yourself. For one thing, the hotter you sound, the hotter they get and the more willing they can become to take care of you, too. So, you have to string them along-- tell them what you will do to them, but then put yourself in their hands and ask them point-blank what they would do for you. If they want you to keep going they WILL make it work for you. You have to control the situation, because just like with real sex men will run a fast race. Don't let them off the hook!
Now, I have to admit that I have absolutely serviced a man during PS and not gotten anywhere myself... well, during the call anyway. BUT, the weirdest one I ever had was this guy I met on eHarmony-- yeah, so, shut up. Anyway, Praval was in grad school and had housemates who would not have approved of his long-distance indiscretion. So, he asked me if he could call me and listen to me, well, pleasure myself. Well, I thought, who am I to judge???
So, yes, he called, and yes I made myself right at home. I have to admit it was really weird because he couldn't say anything, and I frankly decided that I was just going to enjoy myself and not worry about him, he could take care of himself. I'm not really sure if he listened to the whole thing or not. Let's just say I had a really good time and then I hung up. That was easy. Is that wrong? Nah.
So, anyway, can you imagine the wild sex you can have with Brad Pitt while actually making some guy think it's all about him? Of course, for all you know he's with Angelina Jolie. Well, keep it in the family I say, I could care less just as long as I hit the roof a couple of times!
Warning: what to say at the end of the "conversation" can be awkward. For instance, my PS from a couple of days ago. We were having a regular conversation-- we're just friends, he reminds me of this a lot-- when he starts getting that warm silky sound to his voice that drives me insane. He has a way of saying 'really' that makes me want to rip him up. Shew, hold on, let me go get a glass of water....
OK, I'm cool. So, I know he's getting hot. So I decide to, you know, help things along and start using my purring sex-kitten voice. He falls for it. He gets quiet and then he says, "Ooo, I'm so horny right now." And I think, duh. So then I play the game with him. I have to admit I both love and hate him. He makes me so hot, and yet he keeps me at a distance, but yet I can still picture his penis. This is not fair.
Anyway... so afterward, when we have finally gotten ahold of ourselves (ha) we were running out of time on our phone card-- long story-- and so he was like, "Well, it was good to talk to you and (blah blah blah) and thanks for, well, you know, everything."
Uh-huh. What else can you really say while holding the receiver and not your lover? "Can you hear me now? Good...."
So, anyway, be prepared. Your PS man will be as big of, or even bigger, an idiot on the phone than after real sex. He will not have a clue what to say, and not having to look you in the eye will not help. So be prepared. Be ready to be all like, oh yeah, whatever, see ya. Of course, PS can end up making you even more desirable so try to gauge where he's at before you get too flip. Every once in awhile you find a keeper in a PS man.
Well, I hope that helps you. PS is truly something unique. And, of course, the pinnacle of safe sex! Nobody ever got an STD or pregnant from AT&T that I'm aware of. So you might as well get the most out of your long-distance plan and have phone sex.
You know, I was thinking, I really ought to get one of those hands-free headset phones.... ttyl
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Oh my gosh, it hit me....
Okay, I'm not sure how much sense this is going to make, I just got a sudden urge to write, so here it goes.
I was standing over in my neighbor's house, the neighbor that is currently my boyfriend, and I just realized the gravity of the situation, the situation that has been my life. Girl, you know what I'm talking about, so this should make sense to you, we'll fine tune later.
Anyway, I was standing in the dining room, which is of course the most 'active' room in the house and it dawned on me: I'm standing where my former lover's bedroom used to be. We had so many great times in that house, and right now I'm standing right where it all happened. Where it all happened a lifetime ago.
The house looks completely different now. Dan, my current boyfriend, has totally remodeled it. But to me it's still the same 'space', it has the same feeling. I just could not hardly wrap my brain around the fact that, as Dan kissed me on the cheek, that this is where it all began. The beginning of the end of my marriage.
It's where I let it all happen. That dining room was his bedroom and I can still feel the energy, it's such a strange feeling, I can't describe it. I just can't believe that 13 years ago, I moved into my house, and the then little boy looked out the window and developed an immediate crush on me.
He was 13 years old, the age of my son now. A boy, a child, that I let completely change the course of my life. And that house, can you believe that I'm dating the guy that lives there now??? What is up with that house? It's completely changed in looks, but it's still the same feeling for me when I walk in.
I know I'm rambling; I'll worry about grammar later. :)
I just can't shake the feeling of how ironic everything is. I'm sitting here wondering what course of events is going to happen in my life next. For right now, though, I'm stuck on the thought of how my marriage ended and the reality of what really happened. If I write it down and actually lay the facts all out, it just seems unreal. Almost 6 years ago, I let the then neighbors' son into a place in my heart where he sould not have been. I always think everything happens for a reason, but oh my gosh....
(Jan, I'm going to have to spell this out better later, my creative streak is lagging right now.)
I was standing over in my neighbor's house, the neighbor that is currently my boyfriend, and I just realized the gravity of the situation, the situation that has been my life. Girl, you know what I'm talking about, so this should make sense to you, we'll fine tune later.
Anyway, I was standing in the dining room, which is of course the most 'active' room in the house and it dawned on me: I'm standing where my former lover's bedroom used to be. We had so many great times in that house, and right now I'm standing right where it all happened. Where it all happened a lifetime ago.
The house looks completely different now. Dan, my current boyfriend, has totally remodeled it. But to me it's still the same 'space', it has the same feeling. I just could not hardly wrap my brain around the fact that, as Dan kissed me on the cheek, that this is where it all began. The beginning of the end of my marriage.
It's where I let it all happen. That dining room was his bedroom and I can still feel the energy, it's such a strange feeling, I can't describe it. I just can't believe that 13 years ago, I moved into my house, and the then little boy looked out the window and developed an immediate crush on me.
He was 13 years old, the age of my son now. A boy, a child, that I let completely change the course of my life. And that house, can you believe that I'm dating the guy that lives there now??? What is up with that house? It's completely changed in looks, but it's still the same feeling for me when I walk in.
I know I'm rambling; I'll worry about grammar later. :)
I just can't shake the feeling of how ironic everything is. I'm sitting here wondering what course of events is going to happen in my life next. For right now, though, I'm stuck on the thought of how my marriage ended and the reality of what really happened. If I write it down and actually lay the facts all out, it just seems unreal. Almost 6 years ago, I let the then neighbors' son into a place in my heart where he sould not have been. I always think everything happens for a reason, but oh my gosh....
(Jan, I'm going to have to spell this out better later, my creative streak is lagging right now.)
Thursday, May 10, 2007
This is hilarious....
Girl, I heard the funniest thing last night! I was watching "Shear Genius" on Bravo and this one hairdresser Tabatha hates this other one Tyson (he is a bit of a wiener) so she called him "fig jar".
This is great. Fig Jar stands for F%!# I'm Great Just Ask Me -- with which I realize I must now christen my business partner, Paul. He's so self-absorbed it is PERFECT!!! And, of course, he will have no clue what I am really calling him.
Ah, life is sweet sometimes.... Big ol' fig jar, nah, nah, nah!!!
This is great. Fig Jar stands for F%!# I'm Great Just Ask Me -- with which I realize I must now christen my business partner, Paul. He's so self-absorbed it is PERFECT!!! And, of course, he will have no clue what I am really calling him.
Ah, life is sweet sometimes.... Big ol' fig jar, nah, nah, nah!!!
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
A message to you
Hey, my apologies for taking so long to write, it's been hard to find 'alone' time. I'm limited on it now. Just wanted to let you know that I have some very emotional stories to tell, hopefully some funny ones in there, too! I need to write, obviously I haven't for awhile and I miss it very much! I will share soon.....
Monday, April 30, 2007
A Near-Sex Experience
I had a very surreal experience yesterday. The experience in and of itself wasn't terribly unusual, a naughty girl, a naughty waiter... not a terribly unusual situation for me. Throw in my mom and my Latino business partner and now you have some freaky stuff.
OK, my mom and I went to one of my favorite restaurants in Columbus, Ohio. Every time I am in Columbus I make it a priority to eat there-- awesome food, fun environment, gotta do it. Not terribly unusual.
Our waiter came to the table and I behaved myself, made some of my usual jokes, you know, "I'll take a beer-- root beer" kind of thing. My usual self, slightly amusing (to myself anyway) and chipper. Well, Mr. Waiter, Bill, rubbed my shoulder the whole time and kept winking at me. I'm thinking to myself, "OK, good waiter, wants good tip, smart man, keep up the good work, honey."
He left our table (nice butt, too) and my mom was like, "He was really flirting with you!"
I thought, "Oh sure, I decide to behave myself for the rest of my life and then here comes this hot guy to mess with my mind. Well, can't get too bad since Mom's here." Uh-huh, sure, whatever: "Come on Mom, he's gay. He's being nice to me to get a nice tip." She settles back to watch.
So, I'm still behaving and he's still flirting, so I mini-flirt back-- doesn't hurt, right? Then I get a text message from my biz partner, let's call him Paul, who is from another country. I kind-of have a thing for him and he frequently lets me know he doesn't have one for me. Anyway, we text back and forth, no biggie. 'Til I get this text about the Virgin Mary (long story) and I'm reading it and Bill sneaks up behind me and reads it, and asks, "Virgin Mary? Is that your name?" He rubs my back some more.
"Not for a long time, honey," I impulsively reply, and he gets a huge grin and says, "I bet, Mary." Wink, wink.
OK, now, I study his face a bit and realize he looks an awful lot like an old flame of mine, Bobby who I never had 'closure' with-- who looks like Jude Law, yum-- and I start to have mental pictures of what I would like to do to this boy. (By the way, he's 4 years older, divorced, 3 daughters, and FINE.)
I get a text from Paul who after finding out we're in that restaurant which he loves says, "U suck. Tell your Mami (Spanish for Mom) hi and a kiss for her. No kiss for you." Mmhmm, OK, kiss my....
Anyway, so I text back it's OK I'm getting some from the waiter. (In my head anyway....) I know this is going to be bad, but I can't stop myself, like gawking at a car crash-- I need to stop this now, but I can't, Paul must squirm.
In the interim I am playing with the paddle the bread came on and make paddling motions with it. Gee, who would walk up then but Bill. And what should escape my mouth when he says, "And what are you doing, Mary?", but "Practicing my S&M moves, baby."
Bill is delighted to hear it and bends down to whisper in my ear, "And I would like to finish it; I like to play hard."
"Oh Bill, you should be afraid, very afraid."
"Nothing scares me, Mary."
I smile slyly. He rubs my hand with his thumb and my back with his other hand. I believe him, and I would like to help him do it. I start thinking about what that might be like, feeling how warm his hands are-- pondering the dark places to hide in the restaurant. Where was the bathroom in this place...?
Then I remember my mother is watching this. She is mortified. Thankfully Bill moves on (nice butt).
Paul texts back that they won't be awesome Latin kisses-- he thinks he's quite the gift to women-- and so I lie a little and say, "No they're sweet Italian kisses, he's beautiful." Bill is not Italian that I can tell. But I figure this will piss him off. I was oh so right.
He does not text back. I cannot let it lie. So I text, "Bill says hi." No response. Oops.
Well, Bill keeps stopping by to fondle, flirt and fluster-- I am like between a rock and his hard place. My mom is mortified at some of the things I come back at him with-- and I was behaving! If she only knew.... If she only hadn't been there.... If only he didn't live 2 hours away-- Virgin Mary I don't think so!!!
So, anyway, he thankfully brings the bill and we pay and before he can come back I'm like, "Let's go now!!!" My mom is only too happy to comply. No point in dragging this out, Bill. Goodbyes are so hard....
So we escape the restaurant without Bill knowing it. There's no point. I AM TRYING TO BEHAVE for crying out loud! Talking about it is one thing, gets the motor runnin', proves I still have it, gives me someone new to fantasize about... but there's no point in leaving the door open for meaningless awesome sex, right? Right? Tell me I'm right. At least lie to me!
My mom and I have a few laughs at Paul's expense in the car because he didn't text back-- made him mad, I guess. For someone that doesn't want to be with me he sure gets awfully jealous when I flirt with other guys or don't tell him where I am going. He drives me nuts.
So, a couple of hours pass when he texts, "Bill who?"
Aha! We have him. I knew he would have to bite eventually.
"My Italian... I'm done with him for now, though. I'm at my grandma's, say hi?"
He loves my granny and she loves him back. I knew he would have to say hello. And he does. And so I text her response back. He texts her back, and I reply again, and then let him know we're leaving. I knew he was mad and he wouldn't text back.
Haven't heard from him yet... oops.
My mom kept saying, "TMI, TMI, TMI!!!" in the car. Sometimes I feel like I need to educate her about sex.... I am convinced she and my dad had sex 4 times. Once for me, once for my brother, once when I was in grade school (I stepped on the rubber in their bedroom), and once when my brother and I heard their bed springs squeak one night.
I believe it started with her saying something about the things I said to him and I replied, "At least I didn't tell him, 'I lick you very much'."
"TMI, TMI, TMI!"
"What?"
"I don't even want to think about that!"
I thought, "Ah, Ma, if you only knew the crazy things I've done, let alone talked about doing, with men. Your head would spin around and pea soup would fly out your mouth."
"I didn't say what I was going to lick-- you have a sick mind," I replied.
I did have to remind my mom that I was behaving myself and Bill started it. She had to agree. I am convinced, though, that naughty people just have a sense about other naughty people and are drawn to each other-- like that moth to a flame. And it does get VERY HOT!!!
I know we spent the rest of the hour in the car TMI-ing. My poor mom, she really hasn't had good sex. I hope she finds some hot guy to make it right. She deserves it. Every woman deserves it. But if she does, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT-- TMI!!!
OK, my mom and I went to one of my favorite restaurants in Columbus, Ohio. Every time I am in Columbus I make it a priority to eat there-- awesome food, fun environment, gotta do it. Not terribly unusual.
Our waiter came to the table and I behaved myself, made some of my usual jokes, you know, "I'll take a beer-- root beer" kind of thing. My usual self, slightly amusing (to myself anyway) and chipper. Well, Mr. Waiter, Bill, rubbed my shoulder the whole time and kept winking at me. I'm thinking to myself, "OK, good waiter, wants good tip, smart man, keep up the good work, honey."
He left our table (nice butt, too) and my mom was like, "He was really flirting with you!"
I thought, "Oh sure, I decide to behave myself for the rest of my life and then here comes this hot guy to mess with my mind. Well, can't get too bad since Mom's here." Uh-huh, sure, whatever: "Come on Mom, he's gay. He's being nice to me to get a nice tip." She settles back to watch.
So, I'm still behaving and he's still flirting, so I mini-flirt back-- doesn't hurt, right? Then I get a text message from my biz partner, let's call him Paul, who is from another country. I kind-of have a thing for him and he frequently lets me know he doesn't have one for me. Anyway, we text back and forth, no biggie. 'Til I get this text about the Virgin Mary (long story) and I'm reading it and Bill sneaks up behind me and reads it, and asks, "Virgin Mary? Is that your name?" He rubs my back some more.
"Not for a long time, honey," I impulsively reply, and he gets a huge grin and says, "I bet, Mary." Wink, wink.
OK, now, I study his face a bit and realize he looks an awful lot like an old flame of mine, Bobby who I never had 'closure' with-- who looks like Jude Law, yum-- and I start to have mental pictures of what I would like to do to this boy. (By the way, he's 4 years older, divorced, 3 daughters, and FINE.)
I get a text from Paul who after finding out we're in that restaurant which he loves says, "U suck. Tell your Mami (Spanish for Mom) hi and a kiss for her. No kiss for you." Mmhmm, OK, kiss my....
Anyway, so I text back it's OK I'm getting some from the waiter. (In my head anyway....) I know this is going to be bad, but I can't stop myself, like gawking at a car crash-- I need to stop this now, but I can't, Paul must squirm.
In the interim I am playing with the paddle the bread came on and make paddling motions with it. Gee, who would walk up then but Bill. And what should escape my mouth when he says, "And what are you doing, Mary?", but "Practicing my S&M moves, baby."
Bill is delighted to hear it and bends down to whisper in my ear, "And I would like to finish it; I like to play hard."
"Oh Bill, you should be afraid, very afraid."
"Nothing scares me, Mary."
I smile slyly. He rubs my hand with his thumb and my back with his other hand. I believe him, and I would like to help him do it. I start thinking about what that might be like, feeling how warm his hands are-- pondering the dark places to hide in the restaurant. Where was the bathroom in this place...?
Then I remember my mother is watching this. She is mortified. Thankfully Bill moves on (nice butt).
Paul texts back that they won't be awesome Latin kisses-- he thinks he's quite the gift to women-- and so I lie a little and say, "No they're sweet Italian kisses, he's beautiful." Bill is not Italian that I can tell. But I figure this will piss him off. I was oh so right.
He does not text back. I cannot let it lie. So I text, "Bill says hi." No response. Oops.
Well, Bill keeps stopping by to fondle, flirt and fluster-- I am like between a rock and his hard place. My mom is mortified at some of the things I come back at him with-- and I was behaving! If she only knew.... If she only hadn't been there.... If only he didn't live 2 hours away-- Virgin Mary I don't think so!!!
So, anyway, he thankfully brings the bill and we pay and before he can come back I'm like, "Let's go now!!!" My mom is only too happy to comply. No point in dragging this out, Bill. Goodbyes are so hard....
So we escape the restaurant without Bill knowing it. There's no point. I AM TRYING TO BEHAVE for crying out loud! Talking about it is one thing, gets the motor runnin', proves I still have it, gives me someone new to fantasize about... but there's no point in leaving the door open for meaningless awesome sex, right? Right? Tell me I'm right. At least lie to me!
My mom and I have a few laughs at Paul's expense in the car because he didn't text back-- made him mad, I guess. For someone that doesn't want to be with me he sure gets awfully jealous when I flirt with other guys or don't tell him where I am going. He drives me nuts.
So, a couple of hours pass when he texts, "Bill who?"
Aha! We have him. I knew he would have to bite eventually.
"My Italian... I'm done with him for now, though. I'm at my grandma's, say hi?"
He loves my granny and she loves him back. I knew he would have to say hello. And he does. And so I text her response back. He texts her back, and I reply again, and then let him know we're leaving. I knew he was mad and he wouldn't text back.
Haven't heard from him yet... oops.
My mom kept saying, "TMI, TMI, TMI!!!" in the car. Sometimes I feel like I need to educate her about sex.... I am convinced she and my dad had sex 4 times. Once for me, once for my brother, once when I was in grade school (I stepped on the rubber in their bedroom), and once when my brother and I heard their bed springs squeak one night.
I believe it started with her saying something about the things I said to him and I replied, "At least I didn't tell him, 'I lick you very much'."
"TMI, TMI, TMI!"
"What?"
"I don't even want to think about that!"
I thought, "Ah, Ma, if you only knew the crazy things I've done, let alone talked about doing, with men. Your head would spin around and pea soup would fly out your mouth."
"I didn't say what I was going to lick-- you have a sick mind," I replied.
I did have to remind my mom that I was behaving myself and Bill started it. She had to agree. I am convinced, though, that naughty people just have a sense about other naughty people and are drawn to each other-- like that moth to a flame. And it does get VERY HOT!!!
I know we spent the rest of the hour in the car TMI-ing. My poor mom, she really hasn't had good sex. I hope she finds some hot guy to make it right. She deserves it. Every woman deserves it. But if she does, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT-- TMI!!!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Welcome
We would like to formally welcome you to our blog!
We are, as the title so subtlely suggests, two crazy chicks, and the best of friends who have known each other for-- 28 years, ouch! We have been there, done that, seen that or thought about doing that, and we think we have some things to say about life, and mainly love, or something like it. This is the beginning of a book that we have been 'meaning' to write... it's now or never, so here we go!
And as we always say, "Just Go With It... It's All Good." Love ya!
;) Jen & Jan
We are, as the title so subtlely suggests, two crazy chicks, and the best of friends who have known each other for-- 28 years, ouch! We have been there, done that, seen that or thought about doing that, and we think we have some things to say about life, and mainly love, or something like it. This is the beginning of a book that we have been 'meaning' to write... it's now or never, so here we go!
And as we always say, "Just Go With It... It's All Good." Love ya!
;) Jen & Jan
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