Oh my gosh, it hit me....

Okay, I'm not sure how much sense this is going to make, I just got a sudden urge to write, so here it goes.

I was standing over in my neighbor's house, the neighbor that is currently my boyfriend, and I just realized the gravity of the situation, the situation that has been my life. Girl, you know what I'm talking about, so this should make sense to you, we'll fine tune later.

Anyway, I was standing in the dining room, which is of course the most 'active' room in the house and it dawned on me: I'm standing where my former lover's bedroom used to be. We had so many great times in that house, and right now I'm standing right where it all happened. Where it all happened a lifetime ago.

The house looks completely different now. Dan, my current boyfriend, has totally remodeled it. But to me it's still the same 'space', it has the same feeling. I just could not hardly wrap my brain around the fact that, as Dan kissed me on the cheek, that this is where it all began. The beginning of the end of my marriage.

It's where I let it all happen. That dining room was his bedroom and I can still feel the energy, it's such a strange feeling, I can't describe it. I just can't believe that 13 years ago, I moved into my house, and the then little boy looked out the window and developed an immediate crush on me.

He was 13 years old, the age of my son now. A boy, a child, that I let completely change the course of my life. And that house, can you believe that I'm dating the guy that lives there now??? What is up with that house? It's completely changed in looks, but it's still the same feeling for me when I walk in.

I know I'm rambling; I'll worry about grammar later. :)

I just can't shake the feeling of how ironic everything is. I'm sitting here wondering what course of events is going to happen in my life next. For right now, though, I'm stuck on the thought of how my marriage ended and the reality of what really happened. If I write it down and actually lay the facts all out, it just seems unreal. Almost 6 years ago, I let the then neighbors' son into a place in my heart where he sould not have been. I always think everything happens for a reason, but oh my gosh....

(Jan, I'm going to have to spell this out better later, my creative streak is lagging right now.)