OK, if you haven't had phone sex, then you haven't experienced one of life's truly bizarre yet fairly erotic activities. Well, that is if you do it right. Just like real sex, fake sex can be a complete disappointment with the wrong partner or if you think too much.That's the main key to it, don't think, just talk. Use your imagination and start thinking about your fantasy. It doesn't have to even be about the person you are talking to. It actually might be better if it isn't-- just don't slip up and call out Brad Pitt's name, that gets a little messy. Anyway... just start telling him what you will do to him. Guys don't really need a set-up, but you might want to fix a place in your mind....
Actually, that reminds me, make sure you get comfortable! Never have phone sex (hereafter PS) in a position you wouldn't have real sex in. For example, I was having PS in my office chair and almost died when I fell over backward in it. This was not smart. It ruined the mood and I nearly had to go get stitches. Can you imagine the explanation to the ER doctor: "Well you see, doc, I was having phone sex and I got a little rowdy and tipped my chair over." Not my idea of a good time. Don't do it in a chair on wheels. Learn from my mistakes.
Anyway, when I am going to go this whole fantasy route I find the best place to actually have PS is in my bed. Duh, I know, but you wouldn't believe the places guys will have phone sex. Of course, who cares what they're doing as long as it is profitable for us, right? Anyway, I might have to run a scenario through my head about how I actually get him to the bedroom, but then from there I am set.
By the way-- I don't think I am behaving right now in telling you any of this. It is definitely not setting a good example for you. Of course, I had PS a couple of days ago so then... does it matter? Oh well.
OK, so anyway, the bed is where it's at. You can do your wild thing and then roll over and go to sleep. Men do it all the time, right? Well, in this special case we are totally uninhibited, right, so why not? They will never know we are as shallow as they are.
Anyway, so you get comfortable, and don't forget to make sure YOU have a good time. Men like to hear what you'll do to them, but you better make sure they take care of you, girl! That's how I fell over in that chair....
Anyway, DO NOT be shy in expressing yourself. For one thing, the hotter you sound, the hotter they get and the more willing they can become to take care of you, too. So, you have to string them along-- tell them what you will do to them, but then put yourself in their hands and ask them point-blank what they would do for you. If they want you to keep going they WILL make it work for you. You have to control the situation, because just like with real sex men will run a fast race. Don't let them off the hook!
Now, I have to admit that I have absolutely serviced a man during PS and not gotten anywhere myself... well, during the call anyway. BUT, the weirdest one I ever had was this guy I met on eHarmony-- yeah, so, shut up. Anyway, Praval was in grad school and had housemates who would not have approved of his long-distance indiscretion. So, he asked me if he could call me and listen to me, well, pleasure myself. Well, I thought, who am I to judge???
So, yes, he called, and yes I made myself right at home. I have to admit it was really weird because he couldn't say anything, and I frankly decided that I was just going to enjoy myself and not worry about him, he could take care of himself. I'm not really sure if he listened to the whole thing or not. Let's just say I had a really good time and then I hung up. That was easy. Is that wrong? Nah.
So, anyway, can you imagine the wild sex you can have with Brad Pitt while actually making some guy think it's all about him? Of course, for all you know he's with Angelina Jolie. Well, keep it in the family I say, I could care less just as long as I hit the roof a couple of times!
Warning: what to say at the end of the "conversation" can be awkward. For instance, my PS from a couple of days ago. We were having a regular conversation-- we're just friends, he reminds me of this a lot-- when he starts getting that warm silky sound to his voice that drives me insane. He has a way of saying 'really' that makes me want to rip him up. Shew, hold on, let me go get a glass of water....
OK, I'm cool. So, I know he's getting hot. So I decide to, you know, help things along and start using my purring sex-kitten voice. He falls for it. He gets quiet and then he says, "Ooo, I'm so horny right now." And I think, duh. So then I play the game with him. I have to admit I both love and hate him. He makes me so hot, and yet he keeps me at a distance, but yet I can still picture his penis. This is not fair.
Anyway... so afterward, when we have finally gotten ahold of ourselves (ha) we were running out of time on our phone card-- long story-- and so he was like, "Well, it was good to talk to you and (blah blah blah) and thanks for, well, you know, everything."
Uh-huh. What else can you really say while holding the receiver and not your lover? "Can you hear me now? Good...."
So, anyway, be prepared. Your PS man will be as big of, or even bigger, an idiot on the phone than after real sex. He will not have a clue what to say, and not having to look you in the eye will not help. So be prepared. Be ready to be all like, oh yeah, whatever, see ya. Of course, PS can end up making you even more desirable so try to gauge where he's at before you get too flip. Every once in awhile you find a keeper in a PS man.
Well, I hope that helps you. PS is truly something unique. And, of course, the pinnacle of safe sex! Nobody ever got an STD or pregnant from AT&T that I'm aware of. So you might as well get the most out of your long-distance plan and have phone sex.
You know, I was thinking, I really ought to get one of those hands-free headset phones.... ttyl
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