What "Behaving" Brings You

Well, I think I just talked to the most boring man on earth.

I met him on eHarmony-- yeah, ok, shut up-- and we've been talking back-and-forth through their email system for about a month, until last week, when he called me.

I wish he had lost my number.

I think if I didn't talk we would sit there and listen to each other breathe. I only wish I were kidding. I have to blather on and then after I get quiet, and he doesn't say anything-- for like 1 whole minute-- then I have to think up something to ask him so he can talk for about 2 minutes.

I wonder how long he would last in sex. I shudder to think.

My problem is that I am too nice to say you know what, you suck, this sucks, you can in no way measure up to what I need. I mean, really. Why on earth would he call me again when the last conversation was so painful? Then again, why did I answer???

Here's what I know about him (assuming he isn't lying): he has a good job, he owns his own land, he seems to be quite intelligent, he likes animals, he goes to church, he can sing-- this is important-- he likes to go to auctions, he has NEVER raced his car, he likes FERRIS WHEELS over roller coasters, would NEVER jump out of an airplane, and has an affinity for TRACTORS.

You know, when I write this all out I am positive I MUST BE OUT OF MY MIND IF I ANSWER THE TELEPHONE THE NEXT TIME HE CALLS. This is not someone who I can date, let alone anything else, when talking to him is less fun than a trip to the gynecologist. Speaking of, I have a VERY STRONG FEELING he is a huge VIRGIN.

Screw it, I need a real man-- like Mr. Phone Sex.

Do me a favor, if I talk to this guy on the phone again please beat me about the head. Remind me what it's like to have to have sex with a virgin. Ugh, I shutter at the thought of it, though I'm sure it would be over pretty fast.

Tell me again why I decided to behave...?